Society is brimming with and consisting of all types of people; the white, the black and the grey. Throughout our lives, we meet almost all kinds of people, without even knowing it in most cases, and when it comes to relationships, we even date some of the increasingly dangerous sorts of people, only knowing their true faces when we are deep into the relationship.
One of the most emotionally draining and sometimes toxic sort of people you could end up dating are the people with a manipulative personality (like narcissists). These manipulative people know what they want, who to target and exactly how to manipulate their target into receiving what they want. If you are suspecting that you might be in a relationship with a manipulative partner, then today we have for you a basic guide on a manipulator’s identification.
Basic Guide To Knowing If You’re A Victim Of Manipulation In Your Relationship
Step One: Know Your Human Rights
Before you get on to identify if your partner is a manipulator, you must first know your basic human rights in order to determine if you really have been or are a victim of selfish manipulation. Your basic Human Rights include:
- Have others treat you with deserving respect.
- To be able to construct your own priorities.
- To be able to construct your own personal boundaries.
- To be able to express your opinions, wishes and wants (as long as they are not unfair and\or do not harm anyone else’s rights)
- To be able to say “no” without feeling guilt or shame.
- To take care of your own personal self.
- To defend yourself if you are threatend physically, mentally or emotionally.
These are your basic human rights and boundaries. If your partner is going against any of these then you are being manipulated. However, listed below are some precise manipulations to check off your list to accurately confirm if you are indeed a subject of a partner’s manipulation.
Step Two: Identify If You Feel You Are At Fault
One of the main games of a manipulator, is to have you self blame and feel guilty for the manipulation you were a victim to. They have an art to completely detach themselves from the reason behind you being manipulated, but rather just blame you for what had come to pass.
In a famous abduction case, known as the Cleveland Abduction, the sexual abuser and kidnapper, Ariel Castro, blamed his three victims for their kidnappings and said in his letter and court that its their fault since they got into the car of an unknown man. Here, Castro completely detached himself from being at fault of the manipulation which lead to the ultimate kidnapping of the girls. However, the manipulator knowingly or unknowingly both, may detach themselves from the blame.
In order to know if you are truly at fault or not, here is a list of questions you should ask yourselves to determine your guilt or innocence to your own self:
- Think if you are being treated with the genuine respect that you deserve.
- Ask yourself if your partner’s request are reasonable or unreasonable, and if you should feel guilty.
- Think about if your relationship is and feels to be two way or just one way; do you both give and take, or are you just the giver and your partner just the taker?
- Lastly, do you feel satisfied, happy, good and wanted in this relationship?
Step Three: Ask Reflective Questions
Manipulators are complex and each have a deep rooted reasons for being one. It might be caused by inferiority complex, superiority complex, etc. However, some manipulators know if they are one while others do not; some manipulators recognize their illness but “can’t stop themselves” while others do and don’t care, and the rest are not even aware. As soon as an unreasonable request is placed, ask your manipulative partner the same request in a reversed self-refection manner, like, “Does this request truly sound fair to you?”
Socrates, an ancient philosopher, used a method known as a Socratic Dialogue to help others understand something through their own words. A person would ask him something and he would ask the individual back the same thing with a ‘why do you think so’, until the individual would have a self realization. The same way, if you would ask your manipulator their request with a why, they will be forced to answer you with an explanation, and with each explanation they will see exactly how unreasonable they are.
Step Four: Use Time To Your Ultimate Advantage
One of the main manipulation tricks a manipulator uses is present a request and have you agree to it before you can think over it and realize that its actually deception. Since in that moment they are playing mind games with you, it has your emotions high up and your ability to think down, you are very much less likely to be able to deflect a manipulation.
Here, Time is recognized as a great possible advantage. Keep a thumb rule: if your manipulative partner asks you some reasonable request, just reply politely that you will think over it and let them know. Remember to keep this statement close ended, with no possibility of persuasion and suggestibility. End the conversation and really think over it; weight it pros and cons, decide if its reasonable or not, work out what benefits it could have for your partner and exactly how would it effect you. After your detailed analysis of the request, give in your reply: if its a manipulation trick, then no, otherwise whatever you please.
Step Five: Learn To Say No Without Guilt
A manipulator is an expert is making you feel guilty. Learn how to stake a stand for yourself, know that you are a subject of manipulation and with that added energy, learn how to say no to your manipulator. Never leave room for persuasion or suggestion and deliver your answer firmly.