Relationships come and go. With a wide range of the kind of humans we have on Earth, its only understandable that we meet almost all kinds of people in our lifetime, and sometimes, we even date the most different kinds of people with their unique personalities. Its all sounds fun and games until deep into a relationship, we realize that we are in a relationship with a person who has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Despite the fact that we use the term “narcissist” loosely in daily life, in reality its actually a very real and dangerous psychological disorder. A narcissistic person has an extreme need to feel superior and better than others and to achieve this, they even go to extreme lengths like manipulation and\or threatening.
Here is your complete guide on how to know you are are dating a toxic narcissist, followed by exactly how to handle them if you choose to stay.
Identify If Your Romantic Partner Is A Narcissist
Step One: Notice If The Conversations Only Revolve Around Them
A narcissist is a very self-obsessed person who wishes to be the only priority. The first step to recognize if your partner is a narcissist is to reflect, observe and determine if they only like to talk about themselves. Relationships are a two way process, so if your partner is only talking about themselves and not focusing on you, neglecting your need for attention, then know that its not a healthy relationship and that the person might be a narcissist.
Step Two: Notice If They Act As If The Rules Are Beneath Them
To a narcissist, the main and the only person deserving of love, affection, praise and respect is themselves. They perceive themselves to be superior than everyone else and thus, they don’t believe that the laws and rules for the general public are applicable to them. If your partner is a narcissist, then you’ll notice them breaking rules all the time, like breaking in a line, acting unfairly, etc. The main point to notice and keep an eye out here for is that if they witness another person breaking the same rule, they will get angry. This will confirm the fact that they perceive themselves to be superior.
Step Three: Notice If They Ever Own Up To Their Mistakes
Keeping the previous point in mind, since a narcissist perceives themselves as superior to others, they believe that they are not capable of making mistakes. Narcissists can be tricky to deal with; they have constructed this superior external image of themselves which is perfect in every aspect and not capable of making mistakes. If anything goes wrong on their part, then they will insist that they were not the one at fault. Example: If you break a mug then according to them, you should have been careful and should have watched your step, however, if they break a mug then it was the fault of whoever placed it there.
Step Four: They Are Easily Offended
As mentioned above, narcissists are tricky to deal with; they perceive themselves as the center of the solar system, an entity so perfect its incapable of making mistakes. However, when they do in fact make mistakes and if you would confront them over it, notice if they act extremely offended. Its quite common for them to display negative emotions or sulk after being blamed for a mistake.
Sign Five: Conditional Love
Relationship is a contributing process; both the parties give and take. However sometimes, you only give and take nothing, and some other time, you only take and give nothing. When it comes to a relationship with a narcissistic, they only take and only sometimes give. For a narcissist, if you treat them like an authority, only then will they ever so slightly see to your need. Here, they only give you conditional love or nothing.
Sign Six: Threatens And Manipulation
Have you noticed your partner manipulating you into getting what they want? Have you noticed your partner threatening to leave you if you try standing up for yourself? This is one of the most dangerous traits of a narcissist. They are dangerously manipulative and ready to go at any lengths to receive what they want.
Next Step And Handling Of A Narcissist
According to the previous check-list, you have confirmed if your partner is a narcissist, so what’s the next step?
Step One: The Hard Choice
Firstly, you need to decide if you wish to stay in the relationship, try to work it out, or leave. If you wish to leave then you have come to an end of the handling guide, however, if you wish to stay then keep reading!
Step Two: Acknowledge The Condition And Understand The Behavior
You are in a relationship with a narcissist. The first thing you need to come to terms with is that narcissists have different needs, so don’t expect your relationship to be “normal”. Apart from that, try to understand narcissism more, to establish a better understanding and relationship.
Step Three: Acknowledge Your Own Feelings
Its perfectly normal to stress out every once in a while; its understandable, you are human. However, don’t let yourself brush off or bottle your negative feelings, but rather acknowledge them and give yourself a break. Otherwise, the feelings will only resurface as hatred for your partner.
Step Four: Don’t Lose Sight Of Your Reasons
You may have your own reasons to stay, and it will be no surprise if you lose sight of them admits your own stress. Take a break, breathe, remind yourself of why you are choosing to stay. Moreover, never lose sight of yourself as a person, remember that you are your own individual person and that you are important.
Step Five: Recognize If The Person Might Need Help
Narcissism is a very real and an emotionally draining mental illness. Recognize if your partner needs serious help. A trained psychologist can make your partner feel a lot better if their behavior is starting to get out of control.