There are different kinds of people in the world with diverse personalities and behavior. We meet almost all kinds of them throughout our lives, as estimated. However, we are truly lucky if we land pleasant men when it comes to our relationships. Relationships are a tricky business even in themselves, add an emotionally draining partner into the mix and you have more or less lost whatever grasp you had in your relationship. One of the most confusing and emotionally draining partners that we can land are Narcissistic men.
Narcissism Personality Disorder is a very real and a thoroughly confusing mental illness. The patient perceives themselves as superior and perfect. With this mindset, they don’t wish to be associated with anything that is less than perfect.
Therapist Elinor Greenberg talks about narcissistic men in relationships that she she has counselled. She says that even narcissistic men and their behavior can be predicted, as well as the fact that each of them has their own predictable relationship pattern. Some patterns, according to Dr. Greenberg are so common in her narcissistic patients that she has even named them, and they are as follows:
- The Romantic
- The Big Game Hunter
- The White Knight
- The Novelty Seeker
- The Hater
- The Recycler
Even out of these, she says that The Romantic is by far the most common.
Have you ever been in a relationship with a narcissist which started out as your perfect fantasy, however, deep into the relationship, did your man start to ghost you? If he did and ended up breaking things off, then you most likely scummed to the sole comfort of your bed and thought about exactly what this time of your life was, along with a tub full of ice-cream. Questions like “Was this real?” “Had I only imagined his love for me?” “Did this relationship ever even mean anything to him?” “Did I ever mean anything to him?” “Is he going to come back to me?” haunted you with every breath.
Today we have for you a deep insight to “The Romantic” Narcissist, his behavior patterns, relationship patterns and an answer to if the relationship ever meant anything to him at all, along with the final answer as to why he left you.
The Romantic Narcissist
First things first, you did not imagine his love for you. If in your relationship you had felt like he truly loved you, then its more likely to be true than not. Know that it did very much happen and that he meant what he said, although not in the way you think. For this fact to make sense, let us first look at the thoughts and feeling of a narcissistic man.
Narcissistic men perceive themselves as superior to everyone else. They are important, entitled and deserving of every respect. They are hungry for constant praise and appreciation. They believe themselves to be so superior that they have disassociated themselves with the general public, i.e. they are the perfect person, an individual incapable of making mistakes, a person cleansed of all flaws. To maintain this “perfect” image, they don’t wish to be associated with anything or anyone who is less than perfect.
During the initial stages of the relationship, i.e. the courtship, every individual only presents their good sides and hides away all the rest. We style our hair, keep our nails maintained, always keep smelling nice and meet our man in our best clothes after investing hours on our face; we file, chew softly, walk and sit gracefully, and just wish to present our best selves in every way possible. Here the narcissistic man believes he has hit jackpot because they cannot and will not want anyone who is less than perfect. You see where I’m going with this?
In normal relationships and its patterns, every other person knows that their partner is putting the perfect image in front. While that is exciting, the other person always remains excited to meet the true you, which comes later into the relationship when we start getting really comfortable with our partner. The thrill and anticipating of getting to know the real, messy, flawed human selves of the other is exciting. However, for a narcissist, that excitement doesn’t exist.
They are obsessed with the idea of perfect, and thus, when they had confessed their love for you and even made wedding plans, they were really just in love the “perfect” idea of you. The minute, like in every normal relationship, you started to get comfortable, they took it as a deal-breaker and started to distance themselves from you and the relationship.
So What Happened?
Reality happened. When he started to see the reality outside of the courtship, the dressing up, he realized that you didn’t fit in his perfect fantasy. However, don’t go on blaming yourself for it. In truth, no one can fit in fantasy – not even himself. The truth is that humans are made to be flawed. We are flawed individuals making mistakes right and left, learning from some and repeating the others. The very idea of us is flawed and that is what makes us human. Being flawed is a prerequisite for being human.
You cannot be human without being flawed!
For normal men, getting to know the real and flawed you creates a more intimate bonding, moreover, it also makes him comfortable to show you his own true flawed self. However for a narcissist, it makes them run the other way.
Will He Come Back?
When we are still in love after a breakup, we want the person to come back. However, here is a thing: this is his relationship pattern – this is how he is. If he does end up coming back then it will be back to the honeymoon perfect phase, where everything is perfect and you will behave like you’re at a first date, but ultimately the honeymoon phase will end, and with it your relationship.
Narcissist people and men in relationships thirst for perfect. Their wish for a perfect partner can never be met.