Relationships are a name of constant compromise, unconditional love, small sacrifices and a whole lot of understanding. Each person in a relationship tries their best to stick to the above mentioned elements which make up a pleasant relationship, and thus by extension, sticking to the basic rules of conflict avoidance.
Conflicts come and go. They are more or less seen as a part of relationships, and forgive us for saying this, but some people even go as far as to point out the increasingly disturbing, cliche phrase: “If they fight you, it means they love you.”
Firstly, no. Period. If they love you, they will try their absolute best to not make you upset in any manner, form or way. If your partner loves you, then they will try to resolve the matter in the most adult way possible, which is cooling off and than talking in turns, listening to the other’s side of the story and coming to a mature conclusion rather than mindlessly arguing and even upsetting you in the process.
However, today’s article does not target the signs, science and psychology of knowing weather your partner truly loves you or not; today’s topic is on Conflict Avoidance, and our point here is that in a healthy relationship, no one wishes to argue with their partner and they are always seeking methods to avoid conflicts.
Narcissism And Conflicts
Narcissism Personality Disorder is a serious psychological condition, where the individual perceives themselves as superior to others. They want everyone who knows them to keep their needs as first priority and are always fishing for compliments, praise and appreciation. Narcissist people in relationships are extremely hard to deal with. They construct the relationship entirely on their own terms and come off as emotionally draining to their partners. Due to their intense and demanding needs, along with their inability to empathize, the general atmosphere of the relationship starts to grow hostile as the only source of comprise is resulting from the non-narcissistic partner of the relationship, which in turn leads to conflicts.
If you are a recently diagnosed Narcissist then you must be feeling intense emotions. With the added awareness of your condition, you must be coming to some part of a realization of how you are at fault too when it comes to the conflicts in your relationship. Narcissists, generally speaking, perceive themselves to be superior and perfect. They do not believe that they can mess up any task and they certainly do not believe that they can be blamed for conflicts and other faulty matters. Thus, this diagnoses would have left you feeling shaky, torn, guilty, feeling remorse and anger all at once. However the most it would have left you to feel, analyse and question exactly how to practice conflict avoidance in your relationship.
We have a good news: in this article, we have bought to you your complete basic guide on how to avoid conflict!
Basic Guide To Conflict Avoidance In A Relationship
Take Your Time To Cool Off
Most conflicts are a result of misunderstandings. The first thing to do when you feel a conflict brimming is to call a pause and take to your own separate thinking spaces, allow yourselves to cool down and think.
Basically, in the heat of the moment, we do not see things as they truly are but rather, just to let off the steam, we continue the arguments and shouts. Remember, this will never resolve the issue. Take your time to cool off and think of the events which led up to the conflict at hand. Try to judge the actions as objectively as possible.
Communication, Communication, Communication!
Communication is key to a healthy and functional relationship. After gathering a clear view of the reasons behind the conflict through your cooling off time, approach your partner and sit down to communicate about the issue like mature adults. This is grant you logic, a deeper understanding and a clear view and communication about the conflict with your partner.
Listen As Much As You Talk
As said above, communication is key to conflict avoidance. However, communication does not mean that only you should talk while the other listens or vice versa. Make a thumb rule: talk as much as you listen. This will ensure that you can get your point of view across and so can your partner get their point of view across, clear the misunderstandings and resolve the issue.
Do Not Put The Blame On The Other Person
Of course you have thoughts and opinions, and maybe one of them is that you feel like your partner is the one to be blamed for the entire conflict. Regardless of this being true or not, do not say and blame them directly, instead, to get your point of view and opinion across, rephrase it and say:
“I may be wrong or misunderstanding the situation, but I felt like this [insert act] led me to [insert act] which resulted in the fight.”
Using the “I” and not just solely the “you” makes the other person feel like they are not being targeted, which results in a pleasant conversation rather than one with offensive undertones. Nobody wishes to be pointed with a pitchfork and be blamed for an act; it makes them feel insecure and targeted.
Accept Your Part
Sometimes, the conflict is not just one person’s fault. Recognize where you did wrong, accept it and apologies for it. Do not make excuses for it and try to defend it. Come clean and apologize. It will be hard, and even harder for you as a narcissist, however, relationships demand fair treatment and compromise.
Consider Couples Counselling
If matters, conflicts and arguments are getting way out of hand and none of the above steps are working, then recognize that your relationship might need external help. There are professional couples counselors, who are trained to recognize the problem and have you both deal with it efficiently. In order to save the failing relationship, consider couples counselling.