We have all been needy in one way or another, at one place or another. Be it when it came to wanting a bigger slice of the cake as a kid, more grades on a test as a teenager, etc. These are the times when we are willingly and consciously needy. However, the problem arises when we are being needy without realizing it.
Here is a hard truth: No one wants to be around a obnoxiously clingy and needy person who has no concept of personal space. When it comes to relationships, the best and the most healthy ones are those built on want rather than need. There is quite a significant difference between a “want” and a “need”; a want is when you desire to spend your time with someone and genuinely enjoy their company, on the other hand, a need is when you are somewhat dependent on the other person’s company. Need is compulsory, want is a choice. Think about it, you are choosing to be with someone rather than being forced due to your needs.
So what are the sort of times when you are clingy and needy without realizing it? Well, the common examples are of your partner being out with friends or family but you still keep on insisting that they keep on texting you rather than having a good time with the present people; your significant other working and you are pretty much annoying them to give you attention; constant “Hello?” ‘s, “You there?” ‘s, “Where are you?!” ‘s, “Um, are you ignoring me?” ‘s even when its not an emergency, all facilitate to being clingy, annoying and needy.
The question arises, what does all of these examples have in common? The answer is lack of self esteem and self respect.
Studies have found that extreme neediness and being clingy is a by-product of having low self esteem, self confidence, self respect and self worth. However, this does not mean that you can only cure your neediness if and when you develop a higher self esteem. No, you can change your behavior regardless of it, which will even slightly facilitate to increasing your self esteem.
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What Makes A Person Needy
So how does a person turn needy in a relationship? Well, the story is a simple one: During the “chasing” part of the relationship, there exists the height of excitement. It’s a whole game which the parties play and with the mystery surrounding it, it becomes an exciting experience. Enter the next stage, the “honeymoon” phase. Here the people have now completed chasing and are in the actual relationship. The previous excitement is toned down but nevertheless, still is very much present. You both have a lot of stories to tell and a world full of topics. Enter the next phase, where the real neediness begins: Now, there isn’t as much “excitement” present, you both know each other pretty well now and there isn’t much mystery left. For a healthy and normal relationship, this is where the relationships starts it’s journey to becoming normal and comfortable, i.e. just sitting and relaxing. However, for a person with low self esteem, this stage raises some serious red-flags; they fear that their partner is starting to lose interest and then they start being extra clingy and needy as compensation and a sort of strategy to keep them in the relationship. Here the person needs to realize that this stage is actually quite good and should not be responded with raised alarms.
Research and understand the dynamics and stages of all relationships; listen to the experiences of others and realize that its completely normal and that you have nothing to fear. Neediness facilitates to pushing people away: the very fact for which you started being needy in the first place.
Drop The Needy Behavior!
Following points discuss a needy behavior and attitude which will indicate and tell you if you are needy and clingy without realizing it. If you drop these behaviors, then you will display a drastic difference in your extent of being needy.
Being Too Agreeable
So you are in a relationship with your dream person and you don’t want it to end; you want them to keep liking you and never loose interest. So what do you do? Most people become annoyingly agreeable. Meaning, that for instance they say that they like this particular sport and you agree that yeah, its good and that you like it too, despite the fact that in reality you have no interest in it whatsoever. This excessive agreeable behavior leads you to be a completely different person; a person who does not have any of their own opinions and a person your partner didn’t get into a relationship with.
Understand that each individual is different with varying personalities. No two people are exactly the same. We each hold our own opinions and thoughts and just because our view does not match with another’s, does not mean that its wrong. Views are subjective.
Dropping Everything For The Person
Compromises are not a bad thing. However, there should be a line drawn. The line is your comfort. A healthy relationship is the one which is comfortable, feels good and is stress-free. If you notice yourself being prone to dropping anything and everything for your partner, regardless of how much it means to you, then know that you are being clingy. This behavior is making you less of your own individual and more of a doormat.
Recognize that we each have our own lives and are our own people even when we are in a relationship. If your partner wants something of you while you were hoping to do a different thing really bad, then its okay to not comply. For example, you were quite excited to watch a theater play while your partner insists to go to some restaurant for a date at the last minute, then understand that its okay to say no and reschedule the date rather than miss seeing the play you were really excited for.